Rep. John Haller (R-PA) introduces a bill that will allocate (classified) dollars over the next (classified) years to fight flesh-eating (classified).
More coverage at: http://www.onion.com
Embarrassed Diebold officials apologized after one of their electronic voting machines prematurely revealed the winner of our upcoming sham election.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
World Of World Of Warcraft's amazing level of detail makes players feel like they are actually in a cramped, dark apartment playing World Of Warcraft.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the U.S. government was behind the attacks on Sept. 11th are demeaning to Al Qaeda.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
For a majority of likely voters, meaningless bullshit will be the most important factor in deciding who they will vote for in 2008.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
The revelation that Obama's candidacy was the only thing that gave their lives any meaning has caused many supporters to wander aimlessly, unsure of what to do with themselves.
Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the most crotchety candidate possible.
Panelists discuss whether controversial decisions by the Robot Congress and President Executron indicate robots have too much control over our lives.
More coverage at: http://onion.com
In response to Republican attacks, Barack Obama unleashed a series of slightly negative ads that gently point out how McCain could be doing a better job.
![The Onion: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is \](http://img.youtube.com/vi/Hyph_DZa_GQ/2.jpg "The Onion: Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is \")
![YouTube Contest Challenges Users To Make A \](http://img.youtube.com/vi/X4dSsla-q6o/2.jpg "YouTube Contest Challenges Users To Make A \")
![Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate Threatens McCain\](http://img.youtube.com/vi/0iqktCdX0hs/2.jpg "Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate Threatens McCain\")
